Recovery is often depicted as a straight line—a simple progression from addiction to sobriety. But anyone who’s been through the journey knows that recovery is rarely linear. It’s more like a winding road with twists, turns, bumps, and stumbles. The “messy middle” is that phase when the excitement of early recovery fades, and the initial high of sobriety—the “pink cloud”—starts to dissipate. Suddenly, the path forward doesn’t feel so clear, and motivation can be hard to find. The challenge becomes real, and the struggle can feel endless. It’s in this space that many people feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and, at times, hopeless.
What is the Messy Middle?
The messy middle is that tough stretch between early recovery’s euphoric highs and the long-term stability that follows. It’s when the reality of recovery sinks in, and the weight of daily life and the work required to stay sober becomes apparent. The goals you set seem so far away, and the path ahead looks overwhelming and daunting. The pink cloud phase—where everything feels lighter and more optimistic—is gone, and the weight of your circumstances is back. This is the time when recovery feels more exhausting than inspiring, and the promises of a better life may seem just out of reach. This can be the toughest phase of recovery, but it’s also the part of the process where true healing begins.
I remember the sense of relief and accomplishment after making it through one payday without gambling. It felt like everything was going to be okay. But as time went on, and I hit the 20-payday mark without gambling, it started to feel overwhelming. I could see that things were improving and I was making progress, yet the weight of it all—the financial mess I had created—felt so heavy. I began to feel hopeless, like my goals were unreachable. On top of that, I was also going through a separation from my husband, which only added to the stress of everything else I was going through. (This is why having a support system is important. It could be family, a trusted friend, a therapist and gambling support groups.)
Faith in Small Change
One of the most important things to remember during the messy middle is that recovery isn’t about giant leaps forward. It’s about small, consistent steps. It’s easy to get discouraged when you can’t see immediate results or feel like you’re not progressing fast enough, but real, lasting change is built on gradual improvement. During this phase, it becomes about commitment to building the life you don’t want to escape from.
What helped me the most during the messy middle phase was staying consistent with the things and people that were supporting me. I kept pushing through the tough days by attending both in-person and online support meetings, journaling, staying connected with my sponsor, leaning on my family, attending regular therapy sessions and by pouring my energy in the BGS podcast and facebook support group.
Here are a few tips to help you through:
1. Celebrate Small Goals Met:
Every step forward—no matter how small—is a victory. Whether you’ve made it through a tough day, attended a support group meeting, or just didn’t give in to a craving, these moments are worth celebrating. They are proof that you’re moving forward, and acknowledging these goals will help keep you motivated.
2. Seek Support:
Recovery is not something you have to do alone. Whether it’s through friends, family, or support groups, leaning on others can make all the difference. During the messy middle, support systems are critical. Don’t be afraid to reach out when you need a reminder that you’re not alone on this journey.
3. Practice Self-Compassion:
Recovery can be a bumpy ride, and setbacks are part of the process. Don’t be too hard on yourself when things don’t go as planned. Self-compassion means giving yourself grace and recognizing that mistakes or difficult days don’t define your entire journey. Healing takes time, taking accountability and being kind to yourself is essential.
4. Focus on Progress:
When the road ahead feels endless, take a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come. Even in the messy middle, you’ve made progress. Maybe you’ve stayed sober (or gamble free) for a few weeks, built healthier habits, or even just learned to ask for help when you need it. Focus on what you’ve achieved, not on how much farther you still have to go.
5. Always Stay Curious:
Growth often unfolds in those messy, in-between moments, and it’s natural for your recovery needs to evolve along the way. Stay open to exploring different resources and pathways—they can offer fresh perspectives and deeper insight into your healing process. Things like books, podcasts, or hobby groups are great ways to spark curiosity, connect with new ideas, and invite renewed energy into your recovery journey.
Staying Committed to the Path
The messy middle isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. It’s part of the process that leads to deeper healing and stronger growth. It’s in these challenging moments that you build the patience, resilience, and faith in your ability to heal. Every step—no matter how small—is part of the beautiful journey toward building a life you no longer feel the need to escape from.
So, if you’re finding yourself in the messy middle today, remember this: it’s okay to feel frustrated, it’s okay to feel unsure, and it’s okay to take things one day at a time. Keep going. Your growth is happening even when you can’t see it, and the hard work you’re putting in today will pay off tomorrow.
Healing takes time. And that’s perfectly okay. ❤️🩹
Your sister in recovery,
Christina
Copyright: Christina Cook, The Broke Girl Society / BGS Media, LLC