I’ve had a bunch of really good things happen lately and I’m just sitting here waiting for something to go wrong (IRS letter in the mailbox kind of wrong). Like even though I’m working so hard on creating a better life, I still feel so unworthy of the rewards of my work.
I think these feelings stem from the trauma of my gambling addiction. My behaviors and actions while in active addiction still haunt me and sometimes there is still a part of me that wants to hit the self destruct button and light my life on fire. ⛔️????
The holidays have triggered urges to gamble and yesterday was one of the worst days since starting recovery. I’m working through the urges by reaching out and talking with others (Thank You to my sponsor and two GA zoom meetings yesterday).
I just want you to know that I don’t always have my shit together and recovery isn’t always the easiest choice. But I know it takes getting out of my own way, humbling myself and asking for help when I need it.
Today I will not gamble!
Recovery is what keeps us on the path of a life we are worthy of and deserve. ????❤️????❤️
Christina