As women in recovery from gambling, it’s common to find ourselves trapped in a cycle of regret and self-blame. We often replay past decisions in our minds, thinking about what we “woulda, shoulda, coulda” done differently. These thoughts can be overwhelming and keep us in a cycle of chaos; hindering our progress toward healing and self-acceptance. Today, let’s explore how we can break free from this cycle and embrace a healthier mindset.
Understanding the “Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda” Trap
The phrases “woulda, shoulda, coulda” reflect our desire to rewrite the past. We might find ourselves saying things like:
- “I woulda stopped gambling if I had known it would affect my life and the people I cared about.”
- “I shoulda been stronger in resisting the urge to play.”
- “I coulda saved so much money if I had just walked away and stopped chasing losses.”
While it’s natural to reflect on our choices, dwelling on these thoughts can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and frustration. The truth is, we cannot change the past, but we can learn from it and focus on the present.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step in overcoming these negative thoughts is to acknowledge how you feel. It’s okay to feel regret. You’re not alone in this. Many of us in recovery experience similar feelings. Give yourself permission to feel those emotions, but don’t let them define you. Write down your thoughts and feelings. Journaling can be a powerful tool for processing your emotions and gaining clarity.
Remember this phrase “Visit the past but you don’t build a house there.”
Embrace Self-Compassion
It’s essential to practice self-compassion. Remember that recovery is a process, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in a similar situation. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can with the knowledge and resources you had at the time.
Learn and Grow
Instead of fixating on past choices, focus on what you can learn from them. Each experience, even the challenging ones, offers valuable lessons that can guide us forward. Reflect on what led you to gamble and identify triggers that you can avoid in the future. Use this knowledge to build a stronger foundation for your recovery.
Surround Yourself with Support
Connect with others who understand your journey. Join support groups or engage in online communities where you can share your experiences and hear from others. Surrounding yourself with supportive people can help you feel less isolated and provide a sense of belonging.
In Conclusion: Moving Forward with Hope
The truth is, we can’t change what’s behind us, but we can shape what’s ahead. Breaking the cycle of “woulda, shoulda, coulda” takes time and effort, but it’s possible. By acknowledging your feelings, focusing on the present, practicing self-compassion, and learning from your past, you can pave the way for a brighter future. Remember, recovery is a journey, and each step you take is a step toward healing and empowerment. Embrace the possibilities that lie ahead, and let go of what no longer serves you.
You have the strength to move forward and build a life you don’t want to escape from.
Your sister in recovery,
Christina
Copyright: Christina Cook, The Broke Girl Society / BGS Media, LLC